changes

couple of days have been ROUGH! you have no idea..yesterday i was taken to the hospital (my first ever ride in an ambulance) for major bleeding! it was horrible, it really looked like a scene out of a horror movie..i had started bleeding heavily at home so i called my friend over to take me to the hospital, by the time she arrived i was passed out & unconscious. so she calls 911, the medics arrive & rush me to the ER, after almost 8hrs there i finally learn I had been 12wks pregnant & I just had a miscarriage (WHAT!!!) first of all 12weeks! i should have known rite? but i was on the depo shot so I had no idea that could ever happen to me, i mean they say all birth control is never 100% but u never expect to be part of the 2% or whatever that gets pregnant on it..I was just shocked, I cant even explain or start to, I wouldnt know what to say..how was i going to tell the husband..well he eventually found out & hes pretty pissed..so right now we're on the verge if not on already to a divorce. The one person I expected sympathy & support from was blaming me for the death saying I killed the baby or fetus & everything is my fault..I cant even comprehend what kind of person would even say that to another person, Im glad the doctor got to me before he did, I just had a baby in April, my body was not ready for another one so soon & unfortunately the pregnancy didnt develop properly thus resulting in the miscarriage. I do believe this was not my fault, despite my husband saying it was..he wasn't here he did not see the pain & stress I went through & all he could do was blame me. Right now i believe he's anger is getting the best of him, it always does, he doesnt think straight, does irrational stuff & of course plans to leave me..at this moment that i something he has to deal with..I've had so much on my plate that I cant even think straight, i need to allow myself to regroup & possibly figure out the next step in my life, i have major changes coming my way & i need all the strength & help i can get to walk away when all is done, so many people have told me its going to be hard esp since there is children involved so im trying very hard to gather up my strength to face whatever the future holds for me & my girls. goodnite world. peace & love (always ..no matter what)